Let’s get one thing straight, Google is pretty much the Christ of the interbutt. But will my expectations be met? Will the beta of Google Wave change my life? Keep in mind that FTT is the only place for reliable information.

Since I am dedicated to bringing you the best in reviews, I decided to actually find shit out about Google Wave, before I bought stock in Google, T-Shirts, and offered my newborn son to Google. The first thing I learned about Google Wave (From here on out, I’ll refer to it as “Christ 2.0″) are the rumors. Now I heard from a friend, who heard from his brother-in-law, who heard from his friend who works at a hospital, that Google is currently working on a web program that can cure every disease. Ever. However, I am not dedicated enough to actually find out what Christ 2.0 actually was. But, Since I am so dedicated to this website enough to risk life and limb, I decided to break into the Google headquarters to find out. At the front door (Phase one of my plan was to seduce the security guard into letting me in) the conversation went something like this:

Me: Can I come in?
Guard: No.
Me: What if I promised to take off my pants?
Guard: No.

It didn’t go as planned… And It probably would have helped if I chose a day with a female security guard.

So I had to switch to plan B, just walking in.

Me: Yep just heading to my… Googlejob…
Guard: Didn’t you try to get in here about 5 minutes ago?
Me: Nooooo… That guy didn’t have a fake mustache, did he?
Guard: Yep, I think I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

DAMN Fuck you, Google, with your brilliant security tactics.

Then I thought of the best way to get in.

Guard: Didn’t I just tell you to leave?
BASH
Guard D-did you just throw a ream of paper at me?
Me: So what if I did?
Please note: At this time he forcefully kicked me out

Now? Oh yeah. It was on. It was on like fucking Diddy DONKEY Kong. I was going to use the plan that got me into Disneyland Paris for free.

Me: Oh yeah… I’m just taking a tour of the GOOGLE INDUSTRIES LOBBY
Here’s the plan: I slipped and fell.
Me: I’m going to sue if you don’t let me in for free.
Guard: Look. Kid. If I get you a free tour of the facility, will you leave me alone?
Me: Probably not. But Okay!

I was in. Thanks to my cunning, and the beauty of the American Court System.

During my tour:

Tourasshole: And here is the break room! You see Goog-Sir… Are you stealing coffee mugs?
Me: Noooo…?
Tourdick: I’m going to have to ask you to put those down.
Me: I’m going to have to ask you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Smooth.

And then I saw it, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen (even more beautiful than that time I made that cake that looked like a boner!) It was the Christ 2.0! Open on some guy’s screen. Here’s how it went down:

Me: Ohmigawd is that Christ 2.0?
Googledouche: What? No. This is Google Wave, it’s Google’s newe-
Me: Shut the fuck up! Let me touch it.
Googleprick: Actually, If you want, you can give it a spin.

By that I’ll bet he meant steal his laptop and run away.

And I did

So here I am. My home. The alleyway between Starbucks and Pier one. With some fuck from Google’s laptop.
HERE WE GO

I boot up the computer.
I log back into his session (No password idiot haha.)
Open up Firefox.
Go to googlewavealsoknownaschrist2.0.com
Aaaaaandd…..
Page not found.
Page not found.
Page not found.
PAGE NOT FUCKING FOUND!?

So internet, what you can take away from my whole Google Wave experience (From here on out I’m going to refer to it as “Shit”) is that Google made shit. I stole a laptop, seduced a guard, killed a drifter, and made love to a cat, just to find out the shit does not even exist.

Fuck you, Google, fuck you.

NEXT TIME ON THE F.R.A.N.C.O. BLOG

F.R.A.N.C.O. finds the actual shit page, reviews shit, and Goku and Trunks arrive at Namek.